I had to reblog this, sadly, it is so true! So many of “the others” do not understand. They think we can just stop feeling like this. I am not really amazed, yet I am amazed how many blogs are out here in the blogosphere, dedicated to being an outlet for mental health. SO many of us suffering, so many of us out here sharing our pain, crying for help and NO ONE has the answers. This just makes me more and more determined to Kick Depression’s ASS!!!!!
Well, I promised to blog a few things yesterday and then.. you never saw me. I am here to tell you that my 72 hours of insomnia, first turned me into a blubbering fool. I was talking gibberish, out loud no less and I could hear myself speaking this strange gibberish language and yet, I couldn’t stop, interspersed with the gibberish were tears, raw, hard tears, I was crying frofusely and talking gibberish. I do not know what language I was speaking, (most likely nonsense!
I can tell you that whatever language real or fake I was speaking and all the tears, I was simply stating that I wanted to sleep, I was almost hallucinating. I tried to walk to the bathroom and walked into another room, running into things, stubbing my toes, scraping my knees…. WHat was going on with me?
Finally, I came back to my bed, so disgusted with myself and my insomnia, I took three pills, a muscle relaxer (trying to stop my legs from moving) a anti-anxiety and a pill for lowering blood pressure that has also been used for anxiety. I took one of each, I wrote a note saying I took one of each (just in case) and I laid down to sleep, it was approx 0600 on the third day of no sleep, I knew my kids were getting ready to get up for school, but I did not want them to see me like this, I was not even sure they would understand anything coming out of my mouth, I certainly did not!
I layed the note on the bed next to my pillow and I put my head down, praying I would finally get some sleep….
I woke up when the kids got home from school. I finally after almost 80 hours, fell asleep and I fell asleep hard, I dont remember anything! Not only did I sleep hard and well, but I slept last night too, the entire night. The problem is that I woke up and I am tired, but I am trying to stay awake today, in order to get on a regular schedule tonight. My BF is picking up some of my restless leg pills for me! Thank God I got some sleep!!! I did wake up with a cold, so obviously the sleep deprivation is having an impact on my immune system!
Over the past few nights with no sleep, I tried melatonin, benadryl, warm milk, hot compresses, exercising, hot baths, warm chamomile tea and so much more.
What on earth is wrong with me!!
So, I wanted to tell you all where I have been, I owe you some recipes and such…. but if my blog readers are all readers with depression, hopefully you will understand how much was out of my control yesterday, thanks for sticking with me!
Just a bit of freshness and hope.
I had the awesome opportunity to connect with Catia when we both attended the incredibly powerful Unleash the Noise summit back in March. Catia is an amazing young lady, with a passion for mental health awareness. I was thrilled when she reached out to share her story with me.
Hello, my name is Catia and I’m 22, a recent Social Service Worker graduate, poet/writer extraordinaire and love reading. I’m also an advocate in my community, especially about mental health. I have Minor Depression which I think might have been Major at one point in my life.
I’m feeling nervous as I write this because I’ve never shared my story publicly before. I’ve always been afraid to show people what’s under this “perfection” I carry. I used to let people see a student with a high GPA, active leadership, always lending a hand and constantly smiling. Unfortunately, the truth was that…
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Life can be so painful with depression and “the others” just DO NOT understand! I too hate when they tell us to snap out of it, to hang in there, just get up and do something! When are they going to realize that if we could get out of bed, we would!!!!
I am stuck in my depressiveness. I cannot seem to find joy. I am listening to the ball game which usually cheers me up but not today. My team is losing but I could care less. I just took a shower because I needed to. It has been days since my last one. I just can’t get ahead of it.
One of my friends on FB just posted that I should “hang in there”. I hate when people say that, especially when you think about hanging yourself. I don’t know why I feel so low. My thinking is in reverse gear so I am not thinking as fast as I normally do. I hate when this happens. I find it hard to do anything.
Another friend of mine wanted advice on how to help someone who is feeling suicidal. She is a bubbly person, always positive despite her own difficulties…
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More double edged swords for us to tolerate in our disease of depression. Stress has such a negative effect on the body… but depression creates more stress for us.. we really need to do things to minimize the negative effects that stress and depression are having on us, like trying to eat better, work out and relieve stress….
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