The intent of this blog is to break the cycle of depression. I have been at my lowest, a gun in my mouth and my kids banging on the bathroom door. I have been to places so dark in the mind, I don’t think you can put the stench of their darkness on paper. I have been betrayed by those who reached out and promised a helping hand. I have been knocked down by those I trusted. I have been beaten, battered and left for dead.
But I have a survivors spirit and I am trying to find my way out of this darkness. I have been on every anti-depressant you can think of. I have tried talk therapy, in patient treatment and more. I have given up all hope and I have fought to get out of the darkness and here I am.
A recent stroke of betrayal in response to a bout of depression at work has placed me in a position I actually feared would be my last straw. While trying to decide what I was going to do with my life, if I lose my job, I decided I was going to do something different. I have always wanted to be a writer, I just never knew what to write about. I have always wanted to help people, I just didn’t know how to go about it. I have an undergraduate degree in social psychology and half a masters degree in counseling before I changed my career path. I am a business manager and healthcare professional. I am depressed, I am moody, I am a mess on the inside, no matter how polished I look or sound.
I decided to start this blot with the intent of helping myself and helping others.. to find our way out of the darkness. I intend to explore every aspect of health and healing that I can until we all feel better. Will it work, I cant say. But a few weeks ago, I laid on my bathroom floor with a gun down my throat and decided I couldn’t do it because my children wouldn’t have anyone if I did. So, I am going to do this, I am going to make myself better. I want to bring everyone with me on this journey. It might be a hard journey, but what have I got to lose, when you hit the bottom, there is nowhere else to go but up.