A long week… small signs of progress

I am still here, decided not to move over to type-pad afterall……

So, I feel like I have some small signs of progress to report! First of all the supplements seem to be taking the edge off the depression. The depression is far from gone but it feels like has less depth, if that makes sense… like the edginess of the depression is shaved off.

There are many things that I want to try, but I am really trying to implement  each thing slowly, so I can track the progress. The supplements are a positive change and other than having to swallow all those pills every night, I really cannot see any down-sides to the supplements, I am not taking any super-high, dangerous doses of anything. On a side note, my fingernails seem to be getting stronger and I have always had paper thin nails. That kind of tells me there is an absolute shortage of something in my diet. I do have a known vitamin D deficiency, which is known to cause depression but I have taken prescription doses of vitamin D before with little relief, so something about the combination of supplements is helping. I am not willing to only add one supplement at a time, to see if it is only one or the other, so we will just assume a synergistic effect.

The other piece of progress is my bedroom.  There is a firm link in my change of mood and painting my room last weekend. In case you missed it, my boys and I spent last Sunday painting my bedroom and rearranging furniture. I then spent the rest of the week going through the clutter. I am almost embarrassed to show you these, but, this is part of my self-recovery process and if I don’t admit there is a problem…… blah blah, you get the idea….. This is actually what my bedroom was looking like, dark curtains to keep the light out, however, I force myself to open them each day and let the light in now, and I moved my bed to just below the window. I need the sunlight to boost my vitamin D and maybe help out my melatonin production, so I have to stop sitting in this artificial light all the time.

Yep, this is my room, all that shit piled on my dresser (the cats always knock stuff around and I just leave it there). I also recently cleaned out my attached craft room and there was spill over into my room, which I just left sit there for weeks, maybe longer.

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Sadly, this was my bed.. simply sad and mostly disgusting. I was leaving dishes in the bed next to me, all my medicines, ash tray, books, pens, tissues etc. I don’t know if you follow feng shui at all, but clearly, the other side of my bed looking like this is not going to open me up to love and relationships, no wonder we are always on-again, off again.

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There was always laundry piled up and my room always looks like this while I am depressed. So, I decided to tackle this mess!

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So, there it is, I have bared my soul to you, let you inside my disgusting, depressing bedroom. I suppose this could be a chicken or egg situation, but I am going to take the approach that I am NOT going to feel better if I continue to sit around in my own squalor!

So, after a day of painting and rearranging. (incidentally, we basically shoved everything in a huge pile in the closet while we moved furniture around and painted. Then I dismissed my kids and tackled the looming heap, piece by piece.

Now, besides the fact that all the clutter is gone, the walls are now pink! Pink is my favorite color and is supposed to bring love to the bedroom. It is also very cheery! It is a lot roomier in there now, the way we organized the furniture, more open space!Image

Pretty new sheets and comforter to pamper myself. And, yes, there are still books and everything laying in the bed with me, but I am trying to keep it a lot less busy!

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So, the moral of this story is… the edge is softened on my depression. The white walls were depressing and the pink walls are cheery and lift my spirits. The clutter needed to go. There is nothing more depressing when you are depressed, then looking around and seeing trash and clutter everywhere! Now, this weekend, I guess we will venture out of this whole and start working on the rest of the house. Maybe I won’t mind leaving my room so much when the rest of the house is less cluttered. I have been making the kids pick up more this week, in preparation for what’s to come!

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So, supplements are helping and de-cluttering my room seems to be lifting my mood. I will not give it a 10% improvement, but I will say the edges are softened. Now, maybe with the clutter gone, my mind can rest and I can get a little sleep!

 

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6 thoughts on “A long week… small signs of progress

  1. Awesome job! You should be very proud of yourself and you are 100% correct about the good that getting your home in order can do for depression. I can’t do it all myself because I also have fibromyalgia, but I had help and repainted my depressing white walls with a nice earthy tone and accented with a color called navaho teal making things bright and cheery here too. I got pictures hung up that I’d stored away and some new accent pieces, lamps and rugs and now I can actually relax in here. I love the pink! Great choice.

      • Absolutely! Especially when it’s someone who knows what you’re going through. There’s no one like that in my life as far as friends and family go.

      • Me either… I call them “the others” because they don’t understand. This is exactly what I was hoping for with this type of blog, to search out others who understand and help each other try to heal… PS I love Blue October. Staind is still my favorite, Aaron Lewis touches my soul with his lyrics, but I have always loved Blue October. Hate me, of course is the song that turned me on to them. I love music and how cathartic it can be. I have been trying to listen to some more positive music to uplift!

        At least we know that we are not alone in this journey!

      • That’s pretty much what I was hoping for when I decided to start this too. Some support and encouragement and the hope that I will look back on this month long adventure and laugh at how silly I was being because I’ll be out of the house and enjoying life regularly. But really.. what better muse to overcome something, eh?

        Staind is awesome. His voice is so amazing. It isn’t just anyone who can cover a Pearl Jam song they way he did and nail it. Blue October hit around the start of my chaos and has seen me through all of these years and now, when I also want to fight to be happy, they release Sway. It’s more upbeat and fun because Justin is happy in his life now and it just encourages me even more. We are never alone.. but it still gets lonely and that one person who can say, “I know what you’re going through,” is more valuable than gold.

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