I am still here, decided not to move over to type-pad afterall……
So, I feel like I have some small signs of progress to report! First of all the supplements seem to be taking the edge off the depression. The depression is far from gone but it feels like has less depth, if that makes sense… like the edginess of the depression is shaved off.
There are many things that I want to try, but I am really trying to implement each thing slowly, so I can track the progress. The supplements are a positive change and other than having to swallow all those pills every night, I really cannot see any down-sides to the supplements, I am not taking any super-high, dangerous doses of anything. On a side note, my fingernails seem to be getting stronger and I have always had paper thin nails. That kind of tells me there is an absolute shortage of something in my diet. I do have a known vitamin D deficiency, which is known to cause depression but I have taken prescription doses of vitamin D before with little relief, so something about the combination of supplements is helping. I am not willing to only add one supplement at a time, to see if it is only one or the other, so we will just assume a synergistic effect.
The other piece of progress is my bedroom. There is a firm link in my change of mood and painting my room last weekend. In case you missed it, my boys and I spent last Sunday painting my bedroom and rearranging furniture. I then spent the rest of the week going through the clutter. I am almost embarrassed to show you these, but, this is part of my self-recovery process and if I don’t admit there is a problem…… blah blah, you get the idea….. This is actually what my bedroom was looking like, dark curtains to keep the light out, however, I force myself to open them each day and let the light in now, and I moved my bed to just below the window. I need the sunlight to boost my vitamin D and maybe help out my melatonin production, so I have to stop sitting in this artificial light all the time.
Yep, this is my room, all that shit piled on my dresser (the cats always knock stuff around and I just leave it there). I also recently cleaned out my attached craft room and there was spill over into my room, which I just left sit there for weeks, maybe longer.
Sadly, this was my bed.. simply sad and mostly disgusting. I was leaving dishes in the bed next to me, all my medicines, ash tray, books, pens, tissues etc. I don’t know if you follow feng shui at all, but clearly, the other side of my bed looking like this is not going to open me up to love and relationships, no wonder we are always on-again, off again.
There was always laundry piled up and my room always looks like this while I am depressed. So, I decided to tackle this mess!
So, there it is, I have bared my soul to you, let you inside my disgusting, depressing bedroom. I suppose this could be a chicken or egg situation, but I am going to take the approach that I am NOT going to feel better if I continue to sit around in my own squalor!
So, after a day of painting and rearranging. (incidentally, we basically shoved everything in a huge pile in the closet while we moved furniture around and painted. Then I dismissed my kids and tackled the looming heap, piece by piece.
Now, besides the fact that all the clutter is gone, the walls are now pink! Pink is my favorite color and is supposed to bring love to the bedroom. It is also very cheery! It is a lot roomier in there now, the way we organized the furniture, more open space!
Pretty new sheets and comforter to pamper myself. And, yes, there are still books and everything laying in the bed with me, but I am trying to keep it a lot less busy!
So, the moral of this story is… the edge is softened on my depression. The white walls were depressing and the pink walls are cheery and lift my spirits. The clutter needed to go. There is nothing more depressing when you are depressed, then looking around and seeing trash and clutter everywhere! Now, this weekend, I guess we will venture out of this whole and start working on the rest of the house. Maybe I won’t mind leaving my room so much when the rest of the house is less cluttered. I have been making the kids pick up more this week, in preparation for what’s to come!
So, supplements are helping and de-cluttering my room seems to be lifting my mood. I will not give it a 10% improvement, but I will say the edges are softened. Now, maybe with the clutter gone, my mind can rest and I can get a little sleep!