Hello… Is anybody out there, just nod if you can hear me…..

The words come from Pink Floyd, the feelings come from my heart. I would love a community where we could lift each other out of the dark dank armpit of mental illness.  I saw one of those little jokes on facebook, it takes a strong man to love a broken woman. I always laughed and shared it with my S.O. I guess today he decided he wasn’t strong enough to lift me up anymore. Can I blame him? I barely have the strength to do it myself most days. I sincerely wish I could give up. I wish sometimes I could just be a coward. I wish I could just walk away when it got too tough to take. I wish I could take the drugs or the alcohol that would turn off my mind for a little while. I wish I could just move somewhere, like a witness protection plan from myself. Once you reveal the ugliness to someone there is no taking it back. I told him I didn’t blame him for not wanting to hold me up anymore, it must be exhausting. I wouldn’t want the job, but the truth is, If I don’t do it, who will? Who will lift me up tomorrow? I sincerely thought the supplements were helping me be more in control, I thought I was feeling better, now I feel like I have taken another giant leap backwards!