Depression

The intent of this blog is to break the cycle of depression. I have been at my lowest, a gun in my mouth and my kids banging on the bathroom door. I have been to places so dark in the mind, I don’t think you can put the stench of their darkness on paper. I have been betrayed by those who reached out and promised a helping hand. I have been knocked down by those I trusted. I have been beaten, battered and left for dead.

But I have a survivors spirit and I am trying to find my way out of this darkness. I have been on every anti-depressant you can think of. I have tried talk therapy, in patient treatment and more. I have given up all hope and I have fought to get out of the darkness and here I am.

A recent stroke of betrayal in response to a bout of depression at work has placed me in a position I actually feared would be my last straw. While trying to decide what I was going to do with my life, if I lose my job, I decided I was going to do something different. I have always wanted to be a writer, I just never knew what to write about. I have always wanted to help people, I just didn’t know how to go about it. I have an undergraduate degree in social psychology and half a masters degree in counseling before I changed my career path. I am a business manager and healthcare professional. I am depressed, I am moody, I am a mess on the inside, no matter how polished I look or sound.

I decided to start this blot with the intent of helping myself and helping others.. to find our way out of the darkness. I intend to explore every aspect of health and healing that I can until we all feel better. Will it work, I cant say. But a few weeks ago, I laid on my bathroom floor with a gun down my throat and decided I couldn’t do it because my children wouldn’t have anyone if I did. So, I am going to do this, I am going to make myself better. I want to bring everyone with me on this journey. It might be a hard journey, but what have I got to lose, when you hit the bottom, there is nowhere else to go but up.

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One thought on “Depression

  1. Hi! I have just come across your blog and recognize a kindred spirit. I’m pretty tired right now so haven’t time to delve into your posts much but very much look forward to reading about your journey (if you’re not over that cliche … )
    Keep strong, keep fighting, keep spirited! You are unique, precious, and irreplaceable. Hell, even I can tell this, and i came back into hospital today 🙂

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