Personal relationships can suffer greatly from our depression. Many of us have low self-esteem which might lead us to accepting things we would not ordinarily tolerate. We might think we are not worthy, we may not even know what a healthy relationship looks like. How can we function in a healthy adult relationship when we cannot get out of bed? How do we nurture a successful adult relationship with another human being when the relationship we have with ourselves is so shitty? Today, I got my first “like” on one of my posts. So, I returned the favor and checked out her site and came across this article entitled “who you date is a function of your self-esteem” How true is that for us? we live in this depressed world, we hate ourselves and often, if we are single, we are lonely, which depresses us even more. We may have tolerated horrible co-dependent relationships which made us suffer even more. Or, we keep repeating the same bad relationship (sound familiar)?
The truth is, as I have already alluded to, can we be in a relationship when we are depressed? Should we be? What if we already are?
This is what I think… if we are already in a relationship, we need to nurture it. If we are not in a relationship, we need to nurture our relationship with ourselves first!! Many of us are married or in a long-term relationship and I am NOT recommending we end those just because we are depressed. BUT, if we are in a BAD relationship, couldnt this be contributing to our depression? Better yet, couldnt nurturing the relationship we have with ourselves benefit the relationship we have with our significant others as well? Could it hurt?
Anyway, back to the article.. take a gander here and see what you think, does any of this ring true? Complete the list of your wants and needs. This will serve you well in figuring out what you want and need, in order to do this, you have to know yourself very well. If you are not capable of answering the questions, maybe you are not ready for a relationship with someone else. If you are already in a relationship, maybe try pairing this with a good and bad list about your current relationship and see if you are in the relationship you want or need. Does it make you feel good? Or is it the source of your pain? Does your significant other make you feel good? Do they inspire you to be a better version of yourself? Do they do things to hurt you intentionally? Are you in a relationship because it is familiar and not necessarily healthy? if you were healthy and not depressed, if you had the motivation to walk away (even if you were scared) would you? take inventory of your personal relationship and decide if it is helping you or contributing to your depression.
I am not telling you that you can’t have a relationship when you feel like this… I am saying that you need to evaluate what role it is playing in your mood and depression. What are you tolerating that you would not if you were in a healthy state of mind?
A good solid relationship can ride the waves of depression. But you have to take inventory and determine if it is a good one or not. You also have to commit to working on yourself. I think if we get healthy in the head, we can improve our relationships… but we need to decide first if we are in the relationship that is good for us and healthy or not.